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[14 Jul 2008|06:49pm] |
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music |
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breathe me: sia |
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( schnuppy )
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| papery journaly |
[13 Jul 2008|12:08pm] |
sunday june 29, 2008
inside: a small bit hung over
outside: deck.
cindered oranges mixed with unripened pears, butter & a strawberry glaze. Pillows set high on browned wicker chairs. The sun is so warm out for 9 o'clock in the morning & I just know that I'm going to scorch when laying underneath the sky all day.
backdated.
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[16 Jun 2008|07:04pm] |
all we can do is keep breathing.
ingrid keeps repeating that to me and i'm almost suffocating. how ironic.
I'm incredibly uncomfortable and I don't want to do anything except to get in the shower, but I still have to go run around on stationary treadmills/ [for my heart..ha, right.]
about 16 days until my boy returns. we're all going to the seashore and i cannot wait. everything in me is on edge and that is the only place to calm me down. water is so calming to me, and i'm basically a little seahorse i swear [most certain in water] which is why I hate being on the firm ground. I like when everything is wishy/washy; it helps me look normal when making solid decisions because I can go back and forth and throw them to someone else who just takes them and comes to conclusions.[which usually works for me being that i'm quite laid back and will go with the flow...as long as I have alternate routes to escape to if I feel a bit overwhelmed].
he texted me this morning that he was watching vanilla sky and thought that i would like it [which i had previously watched and enjoyed] and then just finished reading white oleander because it's my absolute favorite, he wants to understand everything about me; probably because I challenged him last year around this time "you don't know me... & don't try, noone is capable of doing so". due to my fear and finally turning into comfort, it's beginning to work, throw it all up in the air, keep your eyes on where and when they all fall, and throw yourself into it; because if it doesn't work, cough it up to experience.
time to go run miles on sneakers that have far too many miles in them already.
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[08 Jun 2008|05:41pm] |
So, I passed my boards!
I get my "real" license in the mail, but as of now, I'm a full-blown licensed cosmetologist .
hell yes.
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| you lost sight that your feet make an effort to fly |
[02 Jun 2008|05:33pm] |
After working all day Saturday, I returned home to find a huge basket of fruit from my little sisters' friend. She stayed with us last week and as a thank you to the family, [she works at edible arrangements] she made us a huge, colorful, amazing mixture of all types of fruit. It really was so good, I hardly had to eat a thing for the rest of the night, except for picking at the fruit, and chocolate covered apples as the cocolate dropped in pieces on my clothing, melting there; too happy to care. Friday night, tina and i sat at starbucks and drank tea/iced coffee, talked about everything and relaxed. Good to be off our feet & eating smoked almonds. Saturday night was fun, catching up with people that I haven't seen in too long, Shannon's 20th birthday and way too much alcohol for a lot [not me. I haven't had any in so long, probably since mid february and I'll get back into the swing of a college life like before, but until now, calories and foolishness are not in my repitore].
Sunday morning I woke up and went to Tina's where we sat with Little Julz all morning on Tina's deck drinking coffee, regular first then french vanilla. The weather was amazing, sun flashing through the tree leaves like little minnows, there then not. I picked my older sister up in the middle of the afternoon at Citizens Bank Park after the phillies game let out so we could go under the Grand Chapiteau and see the Cirque Du Soleil show, kooza. A brilliant show... http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/11/19/DD32TCFOP.DTL ... more information/synopsis of it there. I want to see them all, it's crazy the skill and dedication they have there...
I have one more picture of us in front of the tent, but it's still sleeping in my camera, I'll hook it up and upload it later.
My little seester and I spent the day running to the post office, bank and laid outside. I took a nap in the middle of reading my book oranges aren't the only fruit... Sarah's going to come over soon so we can chill out on my driveway and watch the stars float around us and talk/drink tea/coffee, who knows. Studying after that, boards sunday and i'm nervous.
If/when i pass these, I'm done and I have my cosmetology license.... I'm ready to just be over it all sheesh.
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[20 May 2008|11:15am] |
Our afternoon was spent dodging raindrops, coating dirt and rocks over the bottom half of my jeans. I felt sick most of the ride, past windey roads and until the sun leaked out of the clouds did I finally feel a little bit more relaxed. Too much time in a car where I had no way to stretch my arms &catch my deep breath.
Pak left this morning. Last night was spent smoking cigarettes, laughing, manicures and pedicures on the bathroom floor listening to Lauryn Hill and Fiona Apple. Jasmine washed smoke out of my hair, and now I can just sit and relax being that I did absolutely everything on the top of my 17 item list yesterday.
sigh.
( i want my own house. )
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[06 May 2008|10:29am] |
I wrote to Linds about a stack of books I would recommend her, not all of the ones in my small library in my closet, but enough to sustain her, ( list&explanations )
And I realized that I read and enjoyed a lot about strong women, both young and old, going against government, staying strong, and making moves. A lucky relevation that I'm not all into chick books about makeup and dirty martinis' and sleeping around with men.
They're still alright to relax your brain, but a good read comes from power. and reading about powerful women apparently is a style I've grown attracted to.
Anyone else have any other books to add to my list? :]
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[28 Apr 2008|11:29pm] |
maybe I'll take some pictures tomorrow but maybe not. I made errands all day, taking each moment in stride and my lungs wheeze continuously for it. Money is a trecherous thing, and I'm beginning to hold more regard for it. I used to absolutely hate it, detest was more of the word... to live simply, in a place like africa or something to ease my spirits and be completely serene with my enviornment. I do not live in a place like that and the media seeps into my pores ["fuck bitches make money"] a survival mode creeps in and sometimes that doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Lately though, over the years I have absolutely softened up and I no longer know if I could be as headfastly motivated to move mountains as I once was. I get my second chance and I'll fight like hell again to stay grounded and stick with one thing. I went and got my nails done, a gel powder overlay with a firey red "A thrill in Brazil"[opi] covering. My fingertips are a little sore [probably not too normal] but they're too pretty to complain. My nail technician- Fiona was as sweet as sugar and got caught up in the movies on lifetime and lost track of what she was doing more than once; it was a cold and rainy day though, nowhere to go and no schedule so I honestly did not mind. I went to tina's after all of that and went with her and denise [her older sister], we picked up "bonnie" their [or rather denise and chad her fiance's new dog]. Big green eyes, a marbled tan coat, ribs sticking out and stitches along the underbelly. It will be loved and it makes me want a little puppy.
we should get a puppyyy
that has a long term ring to it. hm...
my eyes burn, he's up reading down the coast because he procrastinated and is taking a break soon to call me. I slept for 2 hours earlier this evening so my brain is not too tired. I started reading how the garcia girls lost their accents by Julia Alvarez [also the author of in the time of the butterflies one of the best books I have had the pleasure to read thusfar. So, I'm looking foward for stimulation, lately which I feel I have been lacking.
my belly is growling, but I'm not going to feed it. It's in constant crave mode and I'm not giving into it's monsterous wants. The gym is hard on my lungs and I'm more conscious now than ever to be extremely healthy.
if any of you have good recipies or can give me website to get some real fresh healthy delicious recipies, let me know...
my monday night dinner making did not go through tonight since I had a late lunch and the excitement of Bonnie kept me from getting hungerpangs. but... now I have them. figures. my hair has an overpowering smell of oatmeal and honey, but it's so soft i don't want to get it out of my face... it's shorter too, I just want it extremely long, healthy and blonde again. time will tell.
it always does.
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[23 Apr 2008|10:45am] |
I've always stated that I was waiting for my life to start. Everytime something starts to go as planned, I smile real big, and change plans. I live by extremes and I'm petrified by the redundency of a specific day. I can't wait to return to florida to put life on pause, an extended vacation while furthering my knowledge all the same. It's going to be difficult, I've always challenged myself if school but it's never come so easy and I feel sometimes that I dont' even belong there. I think my work ethic is improving and my maturity levels are on the up-and-up. Right now, my job is to sell an image with a giant smile on my face and compassion sitting right on my sleeve. Most days, it's a breeze; listening to people's stories, let them have the spotlight, how are you mrs. so-and-so; going on vacation soon to your little florida condo?"
but... sometimes, you have those days where you just want to hang out in your cotton yoga pants, and maybe even just sit outside and soak up the sun without getting worried about if your tan lines will look odd in your outfit for work. I am expected to follow the "trends" in both fashion and hair, what is in, what is out. And honestly? I hate doing my hair, I enjoy letting it air dry because from too much color, it's beginning to feel nothing short of over-cooked spaghetti. I'm getting it trimmed today, but is this what it comes down to? Beauty non-stop in my face day in and day out. It takes a toll on your self esteem, but maybe it just keeps you on your toes. ["nobody wants a fat stylist]. I'm selling this image that I have no idea where this so called image is coming from. I don't feel that I have a specific style, sometimes I want tattoos' all over my arms and down my sides, silver and diamond studs throughout my face and ears and implanted in my hands, and sometimes I want that highend all black cashmere, fake acrylic, fake tan, eyelashes look.
I never know where I want to end up and permenence has its faults.
I'm always waiting for my life to begin, and I don't quite know if it already has...
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[14 Apr 2008|07:22pm] |
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the sun ignited my room
in nothing short of the colors of a pumpkins' insides
my goldfish, little fireflies as their belly's shone
gold and silver
cleaning chemicals mixed with Satie
pianos keys drifting around bleach &windex
finished my book that took me 3 weeks to read,
with coffee and sushi/california rolls
this is either a push to get to the library
dirty little pages, for lack of money to keep buying brand new pulpandink.
or,
work on my own book, opposite of the boys
of the way i saw it, pictures and drawings included.
as of right now,
to vaccuum is to finish out my days chores
settling in the too cool air of the night.
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[11 Apr 2008|10:44am] |
it smells so good outside,
65 degrees.
fresh oxygen ♥
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[03 Apr 2008|11:19pm] |
i don't know.
i want to own this.
and strut, and do it always by myself.
it's so weird looking at people I went to elementary school with
their lives are so completely different,
their girlfriends? absolutely stunning in that in your face
I dont care attitude/way of dress/style.
i need to stop thinking about looks, it's driving me bonkers.
and i always compare myself to them.
and my style/lack of. gets lost inbetween.
i do hair again tomorrow, instead of assisting.
this is good.
hopefully my hands won't be as raw.
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[01 Apr 2008|11:39am] |
i want to wear this right now.
currently reading: memoirs of a geisha [again]
♥
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[26 Mar 2008|06:48pm] |
i have been incredibly inspired.... thank gooodness because that means plenty of time for me to mix and match certain colors and textures and gems and venture out of my "stylized comfort zone".
( enjoy.rings.necklaces. )
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| you are going to be seeing plenty of these from now on.... |
[20 Mar 2008|10:16pm] |
+i would so rock this at my salon.....
+my leeetle feesh are sleeping.
[so cute]
-my hair is a catostrophe.
-my dog died today. [been in the family since i was in 5th grade]
the wind won't stop blowing.
+honey wheat pretzils as a present takes my mind off of life for a mere 30 seconds.
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[18 Mar 2008|12:23pm] |
 
my leetle feeesh have ick, medicine for the lilbabies.
♥
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pink_peas's journal
